Running
by tamy-blue
Summary: After second movie, there is a ghost between Brian and the rest of the world. ##Brian/Rome implied, very little Brian/Dom. *SLASH!*##
1. Running

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is made.**_

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><p>It was like seeing a boat cast off, cutting all the ropes one by one and in silence, watching it inching towards the dark line of the infinite. Brian wondered, eyes open waiting for the gray light of dawn, how long would take them to cut the last tense string, pitifully brittle, that was keeping them together.<p>

One of them had to make the first move and say goodbye. To go away and hope that time might close all their wounds. Because they couldn't continue like this. It was a dangerous game, and Brian knew he was hurting Roman and hurting himself. He wanted to stop it, but he kept giving of his body, his dry lips, the disturbing experience of his tongue, the dark abyss to sink in to. Even when there was nothing inside him of passion or ecstasy. It was like he had fallen in some dark and cool place, where he could not see or feel anything. And the only real thing was this stabbing pain in his chest. And Rome could sense it too. Brian knew that the more his lover drank of his mouth, the thirstier he became. That's why in the end he was always frustrated, coming inside Brian with violent, rabid spasms. One forbidden word hanging over them, roaring in the silence of the bedroom. It was more than a name. It was a shadow, a ghost. Rome hated it, hated _him_, and at first he had tried to tell Brian _he_ wasn't worth it. That he shouldn't waste his time thinking about _him_. That was the only fight they'd had. That wasn't something Brian wanted to talk about, and despite his love for Roman, it wasn't any of his business. Because judging his love for D... for _him_, Rome was despising Brian's love too, he was disregarding his own pain. And it hurt so much. Brian felt like he was burning with pain, from his inside out.

It was like a cancer, an illness running through his veins. He could feel it in his muscles, in his troubled breathing. Brian felt strange, as if he was running a fever, but at the same time his heart was frozen. And the worst was not that it was killing him - he was already dead - but that was also dragging Roman into the darkness, and that was not fair. That's why he got up from the bed without a sound and put on jeans and a t-shirt, threw in a bag the few belongings he had and, in the most complete darkness, sneaked to the garage.  
>The moon was shinning through a skylight in the roof, ghostly blazing against the walls. It smelled of painting, grease and dampness.<br>He knew this wasn't going to solve the problem, only worsen it more. He knew he was acting like a coward but Brian feared that in daylight, facing Roman's warm smile, his resolve would weaken.

Taking a deep breath, he started the engine of the car. With white knuckles around the wheel, Brian press the gas and went out into the night, driving away without looking back although he'd swear to have heard someone screaming his name. A couple of times he looked in the rearview, but in the midnight darkness, he only found his own demons.  
>- I'm sorry.- He whispered at the limit of his strength, even when he didn't know who was asking for forgiveness. In the darkness wich wrapped around him, barely broken by the silver clarity of the moon in the sky, Brian felt cold. His skin was still burning, but it was like his insides were made of ice. It felt as if his blood had become brittle blue frost in his veins. And he knew that this time, running wouldn't be enough.<p> 


	2. Cursed

**Summary**: Brian is gone. Rome has a few things that needed to be said.

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><p>Rome's POV <p>

I wanted to be with you. My entire life, you had been my most forbidden dream.  
>I was so hungry of your body, that I didn't mind your emotional scars. I thought my kisses could erase them. I believed I could fix you. And for awhile, I was happy.<br>Every night you would open your arms for me, and every morning your face was the first thing I saw. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't easy; it has never been easy with you. But I really thought we could make it work. I thought you wanted it; that you wanted me too. I guess I had it wrong.

And I'm not gonna say you lied to me, because it wouldn't be true. You never said that this was what you wanted. Your smiles and your silences were never meant to deceive me. And I always could read in your eyes the truth you couldn't say to me aloud. You didn't promise me anything. And even though it was painful, you never hid _him_ from me. Sometimes I think I'm the only one to blame. Because despite everything, I believed you would forget _him_. I thought that someday I would be enough for you. Or, at last, that I would be content with what you could give me.

However, in the end I wanted more than that. I needed more.  
>I tried time after time to reach you in the depths of your heart. But it was surrounded by strong walls, and every time, I ended up panting on the bed, my soul bleeding and broken. With the taste of your kisses on my tongue; only ashes and smoke.<br>The worst part was, that I knew you wanted to move on and forget _him_. You wanted to be happy with me, and for that I kept trying. I kept knocking at your door. I disregarded my own wounds. I held you close to me, wrapped my arms around you tighter. I licked your sweat, and swallowed your moans when I fucked you hard.

Yeah, I knew you badly wanted to be mine alone. But you couldn't, because you never belonged to me. You didn't belong to yourself either. _He_ was always inside you, growing up like ivy, chocking the life out of you. You couldn't love me the way you or I wanted. You couldn't love me the way you loved _him_.  
>I knew this would happen. I was waiting for this moment. I was sure that one day, I would wake up, and your side of the bed would be empty. I was expecting it.<br>However, I didn't expect that the night it happened, I would be awake. I felt you get up out of the bed. And the whole time, a part of me was begging "please, just stay, please choose me. This time, let be me, for once."  
>I lay perfectly still while you went to the garage. My mind was screaming in pain. Your absence hurt like a bullet in my flesh. I think I can still touch the open wound in my chest. That night you left a hole where my heart should be.<p>

I really wanted to let you go, but I couldn't stand the pain of hearing you leave. I don't know If I was being selfish or stupid. Maybe both. I just couldn't stay there, listening to you leaving me behind without a word. So I got out of the house in time to see your car driving fast into the night. Driving away from us, from me. And then I screamed your name and started running. I didn't care I was barefoot, I just had to do something. I couldn't let you go. Because I knew that if you did, then we would never be together again. Because this time I'm not going to chase you down, and your conscience won't make you ask for my forgiveness. And not because you're afraid of me denying it. It's because you don't really think you deserve it; you always were a glutton for punishment.

I know that someday you will be free and safe again. I know that somewhere _he_ will find you; there is no one who could resist your call. I really want you two to meet again soon. I love you enough to wish you that happiness. But even so I hate you enough to curse you to suffer like me;to have to share the one you love with someone else's shadow.


End file.
